Holy Wednesday (on Thursday)

Matthew 26:36-56 -- 2 Corinthians 5:21

The red letters:

• Sit here while I go over there and pray.
• I am deeply grieved, even to death; remain here, and stay awake with me.
• My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from me; yet not what I want but what you want.
• So, could you not stay awake with me one hour? Stay awake and pray that you may not come into the time of trial; the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.
• My Father, if this can not pass unless I drink it, your will be done.
• Are you still sleeping and taking your rest? See, the hour is at hand, and the Son of Man is betrayed into the hands of sinners. Get up, let us be going. See, my betrayer is at hand.
• Friend, do what you are here to do.
• Put your sword back into its place; for all who take the sword will perish by the sword. Do you think that I cannot appeal to my Father, and he will at once send me more than twelve legions of angels? But how then would the scriptures be fulfilled, which say it must happen this way?
• Have you come out with swords and clubs to arrest me as though I were a bandit? Day after day I sat in the temple teaching, and you did not arrest me. But all this has taken place, so that the scriptures of the prophets may be fulfilled.

Then all the disciples deserted him and fled.

When I read these words, I am amazed by the range of emotions, the resolve, the deep understanding, and the love of Jesus. He wanted so desperately for Peter, James and John--of all his followers--to get it. To understand what was happening. To pray with him. The scripture tell us that Jesus was grieved and agitated. And his three closest friends, most faithful followers...slept. He urged them time and again to stay awake, to pray.

There is much debate about what Jesus meant when he prayed about the "cup" passing from him. Some believe that Jesus prayed for some other way to save sinners than for him to die. Others hold that Jesus, in his humanity, feared that Satan might kill him in the Garden. Thus, he was prepared to die there--if it was God's will. The other view is that the cup means separation from God. Jesus knew what suffering eternal death for sin meant, and he feared the experience of bearing the sins of the world, because he knew God would turn his face from him when he became sin for us. (See 2 Corinthians 5:21.)

I'm not sure which camp I fall into. I did notice this time a curious question Jesus asks when he's being arrested. He says, "But how then would scriptures be fulfilled, which say it must happen this way?" In the past, I always read that as more of a question that needs no answer. Like it was more a statement of resolve than an actual question. This time though, actually typing out the red letters, looking only at Jesus' perspective, I wonder if it was actually a question. I wonder if when he asked God about the possibility of the cup being passed from him and then this question, if his humanity wasn't looking for an alternative route. One thing is clear, Jesus wanted to save us from eternal death. Jesus wanted God's will. But to want another way to get there? That seems reasonable. To want not to be separated from God? That seems like something to fear.

Notice Jesus' interactions with his disciples. To Peter, James and John, he understands--more than anyone else--that the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. They can't stay awake while he is grieved unto death, and Jesus understands. Then Judas comes and betrays him with a kiss. And what does Jesus say, "Friend..." He still ate with him at the last supper, he still calls him friend. And finally, when Peter wakes up, realizes what's going on, he tries to fulfill his promise to be with Jesus even unto death. He pulls his sword, which is interesting in and of itself. Why did Peter even have a sword? Did he always carry one? He was a fisherman, not a warrior. Anyway, he pulls his sword and cuts off a guys ear, and Jesus rebukes him. Jesus reminds Peter of who he is and the power he has. Jesus subtly reminds Peter that this is his choice and that scripture is being fulfilled.

Then all the disciples deserted him and fled.

It's uncomfortable to read this story, because we know we wouldn't have done any better. We know that the story of the disciples failing is our story. But we can take comfort in also knowing that Jesus chose the cross anyway.